Before You Breakup: What Fathers Must Do to Protect Their Bond with Their Children

Money isn't the only thing on the table during a divorce or break up. Be sure to make your children your first priority.

Breaking up with a partner—whether it’s a wife, girlfriend, or longtime companion—is never easy. And when children are involved, the stakes are even higher. Too often, fathers go into a separation thinking only about the relationship ending… not realizing the choices they make in this moment can impact their children—and their own access to their children—for years to come.

If you’re a father who’s thinking about separating, or you're already in the early stages of a split, this article is your roadmap. Because being intentional now can preserve your role as an active, present father long after the relationship ends.

1. Plan How You’ll Talk to the Kids—Together if Possible

Before the separation becomes “official,” try your best to have a conversation with your partner about how you’ll talk to your children. The goal here isn’t to hide what’s happening, but to make sure your kids hear the same message from both parents.

Why this matters:

• Kids need stability during uncertain times.

• Hearing different stories from each parent can cause confusion and emotional distress.

• You show your children—even in a breakup—you and their other parent can still work together for them.

If your co-parent won’t cooperate or the situation is already hostile, consider writing your own message down and speaking to a therapist or coach on how to share the news in an age-appropriate and emotionally safe way.

2. Think Beyond the Breakup: What Kind of Father Do You Want to Be?

Ask yourself:

• Do I want shared custody? If so, am I prepared to show the courts and my children that I’m consistent, reliable, and involved?

• What sacrifices am I willing to make (job changes, relocation, schedule adjustments) to remain present in their lives?

• What kind of relationship do I want with my children one year from now… five years from now?

These questions might seem heavy, but your answers will become the foundation of your parenting plan—a document that clearly defines custody, visitation, decision-making rights, and more.

3. Start Working on a Parenting Plan—Now

You don’t need to wait until lawyers are involved to begin thinking about your parenting plan. In fact, the earlier you do this, the more control you’ll have over the outcome.

A solid parenting plan should cover:

• Custody preference (joint, physical, legal)

• Time-sharing schedule (weekends, holidays, vacations)

• Communication guidelines

• Transportation responsibilities

• Decision-making for school, health, and religion

This plan becomes your anchor in the storm. Without it, decisions can be made for you—often by someone who doesn’t know your children the way you do.

4. Document Everything Without Becoming Combative

If the split is heading toward conflict, begin keeping notes. Record dates, conversations, visitation exchanges, and any relevant parenting issues. This isn’t about building a case against your co-parent—it's about building a case for your involvement.

At the same time, do your best not to escalate the situation. Courts look favorably on parents who put the children’s needs first and maintain their composure—even when provoked.

5. Establish a Space for Your Children—Even Before They Arrive

Even if your children haven’t begun staying with you regularly yet, start creating a space just for them. A bedroom, a play area, a drawer with clothes—whatever your situation allows.

This communicates two powerful things:

• To your kids: “You belong here too.”

• To the courts: “I’m prepared to be an active parent.”

  
  

You can’t always control how a relationship ends. But you can control how you show up as a father during and after the separation. Be proactive, not reactive. Make decisions with your children's long-term emotional health in mind. And remember: custody isn’t won in court—it's earned every day by being present, prepared, and intentional.

If you're considering separation or are already navigating it, I created a Parenting Plan Course specifically for fathers to help you get organized, protect your rights, and secure your place in your child’s life.👉 [Enroll Now] or [Book a Free Discovery Call] to talk through your options and build your parenting plan step-by-step.